I was just reading my last blog which I published 6 months ago and it got me thinking how things can drastically change over such a short period of time. As I was going over my own words, I couldn't help but feel, a tiny spark of pride that I had written such things just weeks after what happened to be the worst ever break up of my life, to date.
It seems to me like being single is how I strike a balance in life- but maybe, just maybe, could it be that it is only because when you're single you're the only one in control? Yes, I undoubtedly love being on top and having everything under my own will. But if things slip out even when I'm on top, how can I trust that occasionally alternating won't get even messier?
I guess after falling so many times, we build a tower around us and create our own comfort zone, surrounded by thorns and poisonous bushes, and just like Rapunzel we hide in there, waiting for that one man, brave enough and moreover patient enough to break through.
In our long and painful await, we start wondering whether this will ever happen, whether there will ever be a man who'll even try to fight through, if not to mention survive our tried and tested, own-built security system. And all of a sudden the idea of a prince charming riding on a white horse starts to become hazy and distant. We begin to blame ourselves, and thus start avoiding all the mirrors around us, which remind us of all our petty defects and imperfections that in our minds make us so undesirable and unworthy.
Just like that, we lose our reflection and live in our cotton wrapped worlds trying to protect ourselves from anything which may push us out of that cold, dark tower that we purposely lost the key for. Funnily enough we even feel good about it- unbreakable even. We turn that tower into a nice, homely, cosy place for ourselves, we buy tiny fairy lights, cover the walls in pretty wall paper and hang beautiful flowing curtains. We put so much effort into it and feel so at home in it, that we start forgetting why we haven't done this earlier. And we do find happiness, dare I say even inner happiness (as I mentioned in my last blog) as we realise that being alone is not so bad after all, it's a relief almost to not have anyone ruin your mood or plans with anything they say or do or even worse don't say or do in many cases.
It all works perfectly well, until one blissful evening, so beautiful it mesmerises you, tempts you to escape the tower for a few moments, because unlike Rapunzel's tower, ours always has a secret exit only we know about. And in that brief period of time you make your way to civilisation, you bump into a man, maybe a complete stranger, maybe a best friend- your eyes meet and in that starry atmosphere, you let go of all inhibitions. You forewarn yourself that it will be for one night and never again, and so you run back to the tower and pull the secret door closed tightly again.
But there is something about that night, something which makes you reflect in the light of day- a zazazoom which rushes through your body every time you remember his lips on yours, which God forbid, makes you wonder, if all of a sudden, the tower has become slightly too restricting for your own liking.
And what do you do if he's outside calling your name? What do you do if he proclaims to you that he feels that same zazazoom you do? What do you do if he tells you he's willing to risk everything for you? What do you do if he tells you that your one kiss gave a new meaning to his life?
That, my friends, is the one mirror we simply cannot and will not ever be able to escape from... A mirror which lies in another person who reciprocates our same feelings... For that we let our hair down, we are willing to not only leave the tower but to also meet him halfway through the thorns and poisonous bushes. Because after all, even if the tower was lovely and safe, we yearn for that bonus point, that something more which gives a new dimension to our lives.
So today, I raise my margarita to those mirrors we can't and realistically, don't want to run away from. To those people who allow us to see ourselves in them, sometimes even better than we see our own selves. I lift it to those special people, who leave us no choice but to sprint towards them and give them the secret code to our secret door. May we all, sooner or later, find our own knight in shining armour to rescue us from the comfort of our own tower :) xxxx
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