So I haven't written in quite a long while... I have been busy; busy doing uni work, busy falling out of love, busy meeting new people... in other words busy living the life of a 20 year old, single girl who moved to a new town- a new place.
It's funny how every single day offers the opportunity for a new start, but how many of us actually realise this? Very blessed few! And what's our excuse? We're too busy; busy getting to work, busy planning ahead, busy taking apart and over analysing every minute, every second even, of what happened the night before...It's almost what keeps us going. We derive our energy from the past to think of the future. But aren't we missing something here? What about the PRESENT? It's not just any gift, it's THE gift. It's where our past has led us and where our pathway to the future beings.
As a woman, I am the first to over think things- typical! I get a text message and i read it, re-read it, read it out to my friends, save it and read it again in a couple of days and all this just to be sure I have not missed something out. And of course with that comes a whole new level of literary criticism:- "Oh look he put a smiley face at the end", "No xx at the end- that just must mean something bad", "Aww he text first, he must have been thinking of me", "He's not texting at all!! He must be seeing another woman!!" and on goes the list of assumptions which take up so much of our memory space in the personal black box.
This happens even after a great night- he leaves the house... and our mind automatically starts violently de-constructing every move, word, smile, reaction and interaction that occurred: "He must like me, if not why would he have held me tight for so long", "Maybe he just wanted to leave, maybe last night was just a game for him", "Argh, he's never coming back, is he? This is all too good to be true..."
Yes! You there! I can see you smiling and thinking "that is sooo what I do"- of course, it's in our blueprint! Then, by the time we're done ripping every single memory apart, the day's gone by and he's back at our place and we start thinking of how foolish we have been and how good and safe and perfect everything is. For a brief moment, doubt washes away, analysis stops- it's pure bliss. Until the light of day abruptly presses the rewind- play buttons and it all starts over.
So there you have it, the morning pill-age- the uncontrollable, forceful urge to over think what's happened and what is about to happen. All of this, whilst missing that special smile from that good looking coffee guy who works round the corner, that ray of sunshine which wrapped around you like a blanket of pure warmth, that little girl who looked at you innocently as you passed-by expecting acknowledgement as she danced in the park, that special moment, that special someone, that special something- that one gesture that could have made it all complete.
And therefore, today, I raise my Margaritas to the PRESENT- the gift that's delivered everyday, every time, without fail- simply sign for it... NOW. :)
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